Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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