Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
