You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
