Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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