Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
