i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
