I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My balls are so social today.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
