I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
