Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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