Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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