When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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