I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
