then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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