he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
