someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
try to milk me bitch
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
