don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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