It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
