I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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