I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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