i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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