Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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