You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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