What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
