what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my phone needs a breathalizer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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