your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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