Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
