I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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