Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
