I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
