I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
