I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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