Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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