It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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