if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
