My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
