Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
