fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he fucked my hip out of place.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
