This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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