he told me I talked like a deaf person
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
