I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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