In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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