just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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