I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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