I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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