how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
