She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
