Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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