i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
