awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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