Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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