you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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