My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we made out on top of his cat.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
