a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it hurts more in the daytime
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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