I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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