I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
