I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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