i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize