he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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