Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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