i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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