remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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