Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
