I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize