She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's the barista slut.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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