He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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