I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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