I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize