I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
