I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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