Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
