i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
