you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize