the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
