We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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