dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
