is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
