WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
